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What tree houses, wild horses, and hot chocolate have to do with bonding with my child . . . the foundation on which all schooling and training is built.
Last week I shared a reading routine my son and I have started that includes hot drinks and fresh minds, since it’s ideal to kick it off at the start of our day. After making up 3 cups of hot chocolate (my younger son often joins in), or some other warm beverage, I slip their cups (with lids!) in my oversized robe pockets and shuffle upstairs. Next I climb up into one of their bunk beds (both joined on one side), and am quickly greeted with 2 sets of blinking eyes and big smiles. It’s time to whisk them away into a tale of extraordinary adventure and looming danger. For the emotional backstory that prompted these mornings of cocoa with Coco, the nickname of one son, you’ll have to read the last post.
I’m grateful for the timing of this new morning ritual because it has provided the ‘umph’ and closeness with my kids at a time of the year that can be a little harder to maintain, especially when it comes to routine with chores and studies, both which never completely cease, but can dwindle during the holidays. When the last boxes of garlands, lights and ornaments have been schlepped out, which I’m still waiting for… by the way(99.9% there!); it’s time to refocus and get back in the fast lane. The house needs a cleaning overhaul and the school binders need daily engagement.
But what do you do when you receive less than wonderful responses from your small people? They might be dragging their feet, easily distracted, disengaged, or possibly even pouty and cranky–some tend to take home the whiny or obstinate prize more than others. (sigh … twitch, twitch) It’s easy to jump to conclusions about their behavior. They must be lazy or spoiled or disrespectful little rascals! Or even worse–they appear to be shutting down, becoming emotionally or verbally distant.
These experiences with our kids don’t just pop up after holidays though. They can present themselves at any time of the year, as we parents know all too well.
In my earlier days of navigating through these murky parental waters, I figured something was wrong. I was obviously messing up or there was something wrong with my kids. I’ll never forget bemoaning these concerns to my husband one evening. He wasn’t surprised by these challenges, and said “Kids are like wild horses. They’re going to pull and kick. That’s their nature, and it’s our job to train them.” His response has stayed with me ever since. My feelings and their reactions were normal, to be expected, and we all needed to learn how to sail in our ship together, one day at a time. Baby strokes, right?
So what does a parent do when he, or she, hits momentarily turbulent waters with their youngster? There have been numerous times I have found myself in these waters and I have felt clueless. It’s as if I’m in a dark cave and I know something is there, but I can’t quite make out what it is, or how it got there, or what I’m to do about it. It’s all a mystery. Is it a situation that calls for direct correction? Are there negative influences that need consideration? Is the child overworked or under-stimulated? Is it a time to give extra portions of grace by giving ample hugs or planning a day of fun?
These possibilities, and others, are all necessary to factor in to the equation, but after my eyes roll back in my head a time or two and I start twitching from those moments of tension, I zero in on the one element that always trumps all else–relationship, closeness with my child. Any storm can be weathered when a healthy regard for the other person is made the priority. I know, the constant mommy concerns sound something like this, “Have you finished your math, yet?” or “Put the dishes away,” or “Bath time!” Even though the school list, chore list, and ‘everything else’ list is necessary, our connection with our kids is what it’s all built on.
So how do I maintain that connection, or build it in the first place? Well, that’s a question that could easily be the theme of an entire book! I’m going to quote Kristine Barnett, author of The Spark–a book I am sure to feature in ‘Morning Nuggets with the Experts’ in the near future.
For now, let me give you a taste of the truth and beauty she shares in her book. Kristine says “Showing a child that you take his or her passion seriously and want to share in it is the most powerful catalyst in the world.”
She then presents a fictitious, yet gripping, scenario of a child who lives in a treehouse, distanced from others, but who has a breathtaking view of the forest below. People come along yelling up at the child, “Hey, come out of the trees! It’s crazy to live in a tree!” Finally, one day, someone comes along and climbs up into the treehouse and expresses appreciation of the view as much as the child. That would be the basis of a wonderfully unique relationship with that child.
Kristine Barnett talks about how to meet children where they are in order to get them where they need to be.
On this weekend ‘off’ from posting a “Morning Nugget,” it appears I have ended up posting a nugget after all, and a rather long one at that!
Anyway, keep heart in training your wild horse, and don’t forget to meet them in their treehouse! 😉
And, as always, I’d love to know your thoughts and hear of your “treehouse” experiences with your child!
Truly yours,
Hosanna